Men, Housekeeping & Relationships
Women love men who clean. Now here's some EXTRA advice geared to enhance your relationship and improve your chances of amore even more.
SEND IN your tips, too. We'll print 'em right here.
Want to be loved? Do the dishes.
"If a woman is distracted by anything - work, lack of sleep, a fight with a friend - it can interfere with her arousal," says human sexuality expert Beverly Whipple, PhD. Seven in 10 women said helping around the home was a turn-on, but men do only about 30 percent of the chores. What women like most, in order: 1. guys doing the dishes, 2. cooking dinner, 3. doing the laundry.
How to get her an expensive, impressive Christmas gift, cheap!
Go to your favorite upscale department store on December 24th, as close to closing time as possible. Chances are, they've already marked down prices on fine jewelry to their After-Christmas Clearance levels, which means 50% to 75% savings on the kind of shiny objects she loves (gold, diamonds, pearls and more). I've used this ploy at Macy's for the past three years and always score eye-popping jewelry that drives my girlfriend into a frenzy.
Grooming is integral to relationships: she wants to be wowed by your stunning good looks and proud to be seen with a guy who takes care of himself. TIP: after shaving, use a high-end, moisturizing apres-shave lotion for two reasons:
- You just scraped off a layer of skin, bro'. It needs to be repaired with a soothing, vitamin-enriched moisturizer, or you'll eventually look like a Dead Sea scroll with hair.
- Her sense of smell is keen, and it rules her pleasure centers much like pictures of shirtless gals fascinate guys (we're visual). So make sure your lotion has a great aroma. My fave is Armani Code - drives the ladies crazy!
No hitting, ever!
Not drinking really helps on this one.
Guy in hot convertible with no chick? Absurd!
I'm calling out all the guys I see tooling around town on sunny days in their Mustang and BMW convertibles with NO CHICK in the passenger seat. Whats wrong with you?
Enough said on this topic.
Say "thank you" a lot.
Let her know you appreciate her and what she does for you. She'll respond to your praise.
Never, ever forget her birthday or your anniversary.
At my girlfriend's suggestion, I've been growing a goatee since early July. Now it's looking pretty darn good. She claims it's like waking up next to a "new guy" in the morning and she says she likes that A LOT. I don't know if this is a good thing or not...but as long as that guy is still me, I guess it's OK.
When you send her flowers...
Have the bouquet delivered to her office. She wants her co-workers to see them and gush accordingly.
Trim and win
Back hair is never coming back. Get rid of the gorilla look ASAP (they've got Nair for Men now). Bushy underarms are also unattractive but they're really easy to trim.
Play it safe with her laundry
Women take their attire very seriously. Before you do her laundry, consider that you will be sleeping on the sofa (or much worse) if you happen to, say, shrink her prized cashmere sweater.
The Ex-Files #14: Oh, boys!
If you have two sons, you're 36.9 percent more likely to divorce; with two daughters, your chances rise to 43
percent. Source: Men's Health Magazine
All women look good from a distance. It's the close-ups that count.
The Ex-Files #18: Religion & divorce
The highest rates of divorce are among Non-Denominational (34 percent have been divorced), Baptists (29%), Episcopal and Pentecostal (28% each). The lowest rates are among Agnostics, Lutherans and Catholics (all 21%). This knowledge and $2 will get you a cup of coffee (unless it's fancy...then it's more).
Admit you're not perfect
Never be afraid to say 1) "I'm sorry," 2) "I made a mistake," 3) "I need help," or 4) "I don't know."
Call your loved one during the day, for no reason but to tell her you were thinking of her. She will appreciate it.
Thanks for everything
Before each meal, take a few seconds to hold hands and give thanks for your food and for your partner.
Whenever you hug, let her be the first one to let go.
Defer to her...just this once
If you disagree about handling an issue involving one of your kids, it'll be more productive to try it her way instead of arguing about it.
Never google old girlfriends.
Eighty-two percent of all marriage proposals are made by men, while 70 percent of all divorces are initiated by women. -from Men's Health Magazine
Relationships are good for the economy
Entire professions and industries have been built on relationships both good and bad: Hallmark cards, flower shops, divorce attorneys, marriage counselors, private investigators, locksmiths, first responders, Victoria’s Secret, the chocolate industry, jewelry stores, and almost every show on daytime TV.
A guy's nails should be short and clean, which isn't a difficult DIY project. But if you treat yourself to a manicure, try not to make it LOOK like you got one - no clear glossy polish, etc. I get one first thing every time I visit NYC...it's a tradition that has morphed into a superstition.
Looking good: shaving without shaving cream
I tried Neutrogena Sensitive Skin Shave Cream in a tube on a recent trip. It does not perform well at all. Hair conditioner or lotion (both of which your hotel should provide in those cute little bottles near the sink and shower) work better. Why is this a relationship tip? Because 1) you're grooming for her benefit, and 2) she might need this tip someday when her legs need a quick shave away from home.
Little things matter
Keep doing small, meaningful and thoughtful things for her...they don't have to be dramatic. Suggestions: refilling ice-cube trays, lowering toilet seat & cover, filling up her car with gas, buying her an inexpensive but meaningful shiny object, etc. She WILL appreciate it!
Score big points instantly
If she's had a tough day, she'll LOVE you for this:
- Draw her a hot bubble bath just before she gets home, with a few candles and a glass of her favorite wine on the side.
- When she walks in, rub her neck & shoulders briefly, then send her to the bathroom.
- EXTRA CREDIT - make her a simple yet tasty dinner (french bread, good cheese, a few grapes, etc). Continue the wine.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Find her "C-Spots"
Every woman has areas of the house that she absolutely, positively needs to be clean. These are her "C-Spots." Pay attention to them, grasshopper, because if you don't your relationship will crumble like a Japanese nuclear plant.
Drive her wild. Or not.
Whipping off your shirt to impress a chick doesn't work if you look like an angelfood cake that fell. Go to the gym, etc. - take pride in your appearance, because she wants to be proud of you, too.
No shirt, no shoes, no service.
What's on her mind?
Women don't expect you to read their minds. But they'd love it if you occasionally ask what they're thinking about.
Don't jump the love shark
You know that gooey, ga-ga, muskrat-love period when you're just starting a relationship? When every song on the radio reminds you of "her" and everything she does is cute? Well, Men's Health magazine says that you should fight off the urge to say "I love you" for at least six months, or until the initial romantic goofiness blows over, whichever comes first.
|SHE SAYS: "It's not you, it's me."
SHE MEANS: "I can do a lot better."
Create the illusion that you're sophisticated by placing a few tasteful-yet-manly pillows onto a sofa, chair or the head of your bed.
Sweating the small stuff.
If you believe women love the smell of a man's sweat, odds are that you have a lot of short-term relationships.
Is she giving you heat about the toilet seat?
Here's a tiny, effortless thing guys can do to remove a huge ruffle from your relationship: put down the toilet seat after you've finished your business. Check out an in-depth (and funny) analysis of why it's so important to her.
How to shop with your wife - and survive
Best tip if it's an issue: take a 15-minute break every hour to decompress. The phenomenon is examined in one of my online columns, if you want to move closer to becoming the perfect male.
Entertaining the female guest
Date at your place for dinner? She wants to watch you cook for her...don't disappoint her. Give her a glass of great wine, keep it filled, and she'll be happy. Also, make sure your bathroom is spotless - and well-lit so she can see to adjust her makeup. There's a lot more too, so you'll want to read all about the topic here.
Don't just help with the housework...listen to her, too.
According to "The Illustrated, Essential Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," women's biggest complaint about men is that we don’t listen.
Cheating on your wife can kill you
An new Italian study followed 1,000 men over four years and revealed that cheating on your wife could double your risk of a heart attack. It may increase blood pressure and heart rate, stressing your ticker and making you twice as likely to "check out early." Conversely, sex in a healthy relationship decreases blood pressure and heart rate, potentially increasing life expectancy.
The art of appreciation
Professional surveys and studies have determined that every person's most essential emotional need is to feel appreciated. As a reward for a good performance, people value it more than money. And it only takes 3 seconds to tell her how much you appreciate her, making it just about the easiest, most economical way you can make points and live happily ever after.
Life in the past lane
Talking about former girlfriends or ex-spouses is strictly forbidden, unless your current partner asks you a direct question about them, thereby getting it out there on the table. Even when this happens, DO NOT talk too fondly of your exes, nor badmouth them. The first is a no-brainer; the second has no class.
Personal safety tips
In this age of match.com and Craigslist, it's good to take certain common-sense precautions when meeting someone for the first time. Share these with your sister, too!
- Meet in a public place like a coffee shop
- Don't invite strangers into your home
- Take your cell phone along
- Tell a friend or family member where you're going
- Leave a message on your own cell phone as to who you're meeting and where.
What to say when she asks you how she looks.
Your answer is, of course, "amazingly wonderful." But she's also asking "What do you think of me?" So tell her how her clothes highlight your favorite parts of her body.
What to say when she's upset about work.
Guys want to fix things, but she's not looking for solutions. She just wants you to listen, empathize, and show you care. Make sure she knows that you're interested in her life.
Cook her a meal, burn a stereotype
Women love it when guys cook for them, and as long as there's wine involved, it doesn't have to be a gourmet feast. This is a big step toward beating the caveman image many ladies have of us. I was once preparing a nice meal for a new girlfriend, who watched rapturously (I thought) as I worked. She finally confessed, "I was counting how many cupboard doors you left open." Ouch!
Don't guess on her birthday gift
You might not know exactly what kind of gift she wants, but her friends do. Ask them instead of torturing yourself with uncertainly and guesses.
Prelationship red flags
Never date anyone who lives in a "compound," whose self-description involves the word "serial," or who every guy in the place seems to know by her first name.
A birthday DON'T for her
"Her special day" will become "your recurring nightmare" if you give her anything even remotely resembling a Bally Total Fitness Thigh Toner or a Buns of Steel DVD.
Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry
|In truth, it means making frequent apologies that must often be accompanied by shiny, expensive objects.|
Kiss and tell
When women get together, they talk about their sexual exploits more than men talk to each other about their experiences with women.
Dinner date at your place tip
When preparing dinner for an attractive female at your place for the first time, microwaving the entree is a gaffe that can't be covered by even the finest wine. She wants you to cook, man! And she wants to watch!
The secret of romantic success
The best way to impress beautiful women is not to be handsome, charming and funny. It's to have cash, and lots of it.
Why women have book clubs
|Women buy and read more books than guys. They also "talk amongst themselves" more. The lesson: females like to communicate, so if you work on connecting with them verbally -- or at least listen to what they have to say - you're taking large steps toward a better relationship.|
The female tolerance level
Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be shocked by your bizarre domestic habits.
Always carry breath mints - it's like housekeeping for your mouth. Bad breath will shut down a good game of tonsil-hockey before it even gets started.
Tune her in
When it comes to relationships, all guys should take this advice: listen twice as much as you talk.
Another manly web site
ManOfTheHouse.com delivers advice on enhancing every aspect of your life (and carries Clean Like a Man columns, too).
There's this new thing called soap and water...
If you believe women love the smell of a man's sweat, odds are that you have a lot of short-term relationships.
Recipe for romance
When cooking dinner for an attractive woman at your place for the first time, wine is your friend.
Bonus tip: Cooking that meal with wine bought at a grocery store and labeled "cooking wine" is not cool.
Treat waitstaff with respect
On a date, do not argue with or be a smart-ass to your waiter or waitress. In fact, think twice about even joking with them because they might take it the wrong way. Why this much precaution? Because these people have the power to do things to your food that, believe me, you'd rather not know about.
Never, EVER wash your wife's clothes
Despite your good intentions (the road to hell is paved with them, remember), should you screw up and ruin your mate's prized jeans, blouse, or undergarments in the laundry, she will kill you and no jury in America would find her guilty. The only circumstance under which you may wash any of her clothing is when instructed by her to do so - and if possible, get it in writing.
Advantages of being a man (cont'd.)
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- We can leave hotel beds unmade.
- When channel surfing, we don't have to stop and watch every channel where someone is crying.
Your prison tattoos, no matter how well-rendered, are not likely to impress any woman you meet on match.com. If they do, then you should think twice about dating her anyway. (I think you've painted yourself into a corner here, sir.)
Male housekeeping's possible side effects on women
Certain side effects for females whose mates clean the house may include dialated pupils, racing heartbeat, a burst of love, and the potential for a flash of passionate desire.
1.20.11Advantages of being a man
- Wedding dress, $5,000. Tux rental, $100.
- One mood, all the time.
- We can open all our own jars.
A complicated coffee order impresses no one.
Get in touch with your self
Real men do eat quiche and cry, but they don't have personalized stationery.
Diamonds - a girl's best friend.
You bought 'em...here are a couple of ways to keep 'em sparkling.
- Place diamonds in a dish of rubbing alcohol or vodka for one minute, rinse with water, buff dry.
- Brush with white, non-gel toothpaste, rinse, buff dry.
- Put a drop of dishwashing liquid and several drops of ammonia into very hot water, immerse diamonds briefly, rinse.
Christmas shopping tip.
Save big on eye-popping fine jewelry by waiting until Christmas Eve to shop for it. Big department stores mark a lot of their stuff down to After-Christmas Clearance prices on the 24th, so you can save 30-50% and more on something that's sure to knock her socks off!
How to survive shopping with your wife.
Take a 15-minute break every hour for coffee/refreshment to defuse this potential cobra-mongoose situation. A British study found that the average guy's breaking point is just over an hour - the time at which he may suddenly freak out and melt down. He needs either to bolt from the mall or else is likely to pick a fight.
"Freshness Date" definition
Taking out a woman who's not spoiled.
The Guy Refrigerator Disorder
Jane Pattee Callewaert of Milwaukee offers this description of a common manly disorder. She's so spot-on it's almost scary.
- Open door, stare, shut door.
- Open door, stare, don't move head even a little, and certainly don't move anything inside, shut door. Then turn around and announce, "there's no (milk, juice, soda...whatever) left."
- Open door, take out container, look inside and determine it's way past its freshness date, put top back on, return to shelf.
- Open door, pour milk, juice, etc. Leave just the smallest trace of it in the container, then return to shelf.
Escaping the bad date.
Now iPhones have an application that will ring you with a fake call at a preset time - say, ten minutes into your match.com date. That's probably enough time to determine whether she's worth pursuing (in which case the call is "unimportant") or not (you take the call, then announce that "OH MAN...I totally forgot about that bone marrow I'm donating today - gotta run!")
"Ex" does not mark the spot.
It doesn't matter if you're married or just dating: talking about a former girlfriend or ex-wife is extremely uncool unless the information is directly requested or it's a natural extension of the conversation. Even then, talk about your past relationships as little as possible.
Say it with flowers - sent to her office
If you send your loved one a bouquet - a "jake" move indeed - have it delivered to her place of employment. She wants her co-workers to see it and gush accordingly. In fact, that'll be about 50% of her enjoyment.
The sexiest thing in the world.
It's a studious, prim and proper librarian-type of woman who, when she gets you alone, suddenly whips off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and turns into a beautiful, heat-seeking missile of lust!!!! True, this has nothing to do with housekeeping, but I think I've earned a fantasy or two after cleaning all day.
After having sex, always say "that was amazing."
Ever notice in movies that after a couple has made love, the ceiling-cam shows them both lying there, looking up, that the guy always says "that was amazing," or something to that effect. Well, as hokey a cliché as it is, it's not a bad idea to say "that was amazing" in the aftermath of every time you and your partner make love. It will sure make your mate feel better than if you say "That was average," or "Wow...sorry."
Now you're cookin'.
Women love it when men cook for them. I recommend "The 3-Ingredient Cookbook." It's only two ingredients away from being a total no-brainer. There are several editions of this book. If you want to be really adventurous in the kitchen, there's also "The 4-Ingredient Cookbook."
Cheaper than marriage counseling.
Improve your relationship by dividing housecleaning chores between the two of you (yes, men CAN clean). Guys get to vacuum because they get to use a machine.
Romance without the mess.
Candles are romantic, but they can drip wax all over the place. Freeze before using - they'll drip less and burn more slowly. Also, prevent wax drips on tabletops and carpets (which is not fun to remove) by placing some sort of pad - even something as simple as a newspaper or magazine - underneath the candle holder.
Hang pictures lower than you think they should go - like, at HER eye level, not yours. That's usually the most tasteful way to do it anyway. There are few things worse than having to leap up to enjoy one's artwork.
Get in touch with your culinary side.
Tell beautiful women that they're intelligent, and tell intelligent women that they're beautiful. They'll both love you.
No matter how quick or furtive your glance, women always know when you're looking at their breasts.
Misguided ideas of what's cool
Guys who use an initial for their first name (like G. Gordon Liddy) are about as cool as guys who wear bow ties, suspenders, or sweaters with mammals on them. Or smoke pipes. Or have strings on their glasses. Or wear a golf shirt with the collar up. Or rest their sunglasses on top of their head. Or wear black knee-socks and sandals with shorts. Or wear "loud" Hawaiian shirts. Meaning that none of the above is very cool at all.
Anatomy of a domestic
I’ve read many newspaper stories on “domestics” - the kind cops respond to. Super-heated arguments between mates usually escalate this way:
1. Alcohol consumption; 2. Accusation-leveling; 3. Threat-screaming; 4. Plate-throwing; 5. Knife-wielding; 6. Gunplay.
History tells us that when she grabs for the Wüsthof-Tridents, she will most often select the best choice for all-purpose use, the chef’s knife. But my advice is to leave the building immediately after the first plate is hurled.
Relationship Red Flag: she badmouths an ex
Some women can't say enough bad things about a former husband or boyfriend. In C.L.A.M.'s view, this is classless. Cool people don't talk about past relationships unless asked, and even then they should be respectful. It may also show a lack of accountability - chances are she's not perfect either. Same goes for guys who may forget it's always a two-way street.
Only have eyes for her
When you're with your lady, it's classless and clueless to eyeball other women in any way, even if she's a 38D wearing a tank top and tight jeans. Yeah, yeah, I know it's tempting, but you'll lose plenty of points by "looking at the menu" after you already have your entree.
Fifty-eight percent of guys consider themselves "romantic,quot; while 72 percent of women see themselves this way. About 90 percent of men say that a sense of humor is very important in a romantic partner.
Source -2007 Men's Health survey
Breakfast in bed
Prepare the day before by buying her favorite beverage - flavored coffee, tomato juice or OJ, Mimosa fixin's, etc. Serve muffins, toast and marmalade, fruit and yogurt or a combination instead of the more labor-intensive omelet or waffles. Present the meal on a stylish serving tray (the kind with fold-down legs) and a rose in a little bud vase. Do this, and you'll be In Like Flint for the rest of the day.
Sex and laundry
More than one in four women said they thought about household chores during sex, according to a Men's Health survey. The reason, according to other researchers including Joy Davidson, Ph.D. and creator of the online series The Joy Spot, is that to reach orgasm, women must quiet parts of their brains linked to fear and anxiety. A messy house definitely makes many women anxious, which means you as a guy have to do one of two things: either turn it up a notch in the sack, or let her go and tidy the place up before resuming your activities.
What to feed women
Women love it when men cook for them. So feed her something you'll enjoy watching her eat: a banana, a brat and an ice cream cone.
How women rate men
What do chicks talk about to each other when guys are the topic? Here's the dish, from several sources: 1. Personality. They hate know-it-alls, love senses of humor. 2. Appearance. Yes, women are as shallow as we are, and girlfriends like to be able to brag about their men. 3. Attentiveness. She thinks paying attention to what she says and needs is a barometer of our character. 4. Oral skills. No, not talking, dummy. Be willing to learn and practice, practice, practice! 5. Control in the sack. If you have The Big O together, perfect. If you beat her to it, make it about how sexy she is.
Get on the horn dudes.
"Men who use iPhones have more sexual partners than Blackberry or Android users," says a recent survey. I was personally going to get a 'Droid but am now rethinking that purchase decision. (Just kidding, Lisa!)
Women vs. Men
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships." -Sharon Stone
Reflections upon being uncool #3
There are few things more embarrassing than being with a man who is playing air guitar.
Reflections upon being uncool #2
Reciting SNL skits word-for-word gets old really quickly; unfortunately, men who do so are seldom sober enough to realize it.
Reflections upon being uncool #1
"You are!" is no longer an acceptible response to the question, "What's happening?"
Surprise your loved one by taking her car in for a wash, wax and detailing. You'd love it, wouldn't you?
Words are cheap, yet priceless
Every person's most essential emotional need is to feel appreciated, and it only takes 3 seconds to tell her how much you appreciate her.
Keep her sunny side up
Never tell your loved one she looks tired or depressed. Instead just ask about her day - if she wants to talk, she will.
Playing to lose is sometimes good strategy
It's dumb to whip your boss in golf or tennis all the time - goodbye promotions! Make sure your spouse wins her share of arguments, too.
Size does matter when buying her lingerie
Buying her sexy things is a nice, romantic move, but before you shop, take a look at what she has now to make sure you get the right size.
Choose your rags wisely.
Never use your wife's clothing as cleaning cloths. She will most likely kill you and there's no jury in America that would find her guilty.
One big reason people cheat in relationships - and how to fix it.
A recent study found that if one spouse isn't engaging the other (interacting, being positive, helping you become a better person, etc.) there's more chance of straying. A gutsy but effective solution: confront your mate and tell her, "I'm looking around and I don't want to. Something's wrong...let's figure it out and fix it."
Try to stay away from girls who have a "stage name." At least for long-term relationships.